he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
