i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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