I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
