did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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