I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
