Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
