matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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