at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
