I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
