p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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