aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
