Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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