I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
farters have to be the big spoon...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
