I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
