everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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