I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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