I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
