90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
