then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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