We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
