Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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