Will you blow on my dice?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
