I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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