bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
