I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
