My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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