Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize