first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
