I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
