suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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