I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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