captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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