I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
