I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
