Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
