I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
