There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wow bdsm is so cute
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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