Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
