we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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