My room smells like vodka and shame
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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