I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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