Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
