I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
