Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
