I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
