he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
