If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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