turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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