I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
did you just send me my own nude
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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