I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
