just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize