a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
