You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
