drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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