I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
