quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
