I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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