I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize