I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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