My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
