Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
