You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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