I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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