do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
