And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
