I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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