Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
